Like needing air

At the end of almost every mass that I go to on Sunday, the simple two-person choir of a man playing acoustic guitar and a woman sing this song in the video. When I first heard it, I felt something rise up like a wave in me. It was as if I was getting a spiritual lift-off from the first words to the last. I don't remember the last time I felt that way from a song, and the funny thing about it was that I didn't even understand all the words that were being said...except for one line that hit me like a freight train. I've copied and pasted the words in English and Spanish below:

SOUL of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from the side of Christ, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within Thy wounds, hide me
Separated from Thee let me never be
From the malignant enemy, defend me
At the hour of death, call me
To come to Thee, bid me
That I may praise Thee in the company Of Thy Saints
for all eternity. Amen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ALMA de Cristo, santifícame
Cuerpo de Cristo, sálvame
Sangre de Cristo, embriágame
Agua del costado de Cristo, lávame
Pasión de Cristo, confórtame
Oh buen Jesús, óyeme
Dentro de tus llagas, escóndeme
No permitas que me separe de Tí
Del maligno enemigo, defiéndeme
En la hora de mi muerte, llámame
Y mándame ir a Tí
Para que con Tus santos Te alabe
Por los siglos de los siglos. 
Amén.

So after doing a little searching, this is a prayer that has been used since medieval times after receiving communion. It is so beautiful, and for whatever reason, it just hits me harder in Spanish...especially the bolded lines. Whenever those lines are sung in mass, I feel my heart swell up and I get this emotion inside of me, like yeast rising. There is nothing so primal, nothing so stripped bare except wanting Christ at the hour of our death. It's much like holding your breath underwater...you get that feeling like you're going to burst if you don't fill your lungs with air. That's how we feel when we come to our end. We desperately want to see Him, we need Him so badly to take us with Him to paradise. We need to know that we've lead lives that He is pleased with, that He will allow us to spend all of eternity with him.

The thing is, that feeling of desperately needing Christ at that certain last hour...we need to be like that ALL the time. I need to have Christ fill me up every single day with grace. I need to want to pray more and more about my relationship, my family, my job search, Tomilyn's schooling, her struggles with family and career, my own struggles in wanting to support and help us...I need to throw myself into God's arms and know that His arms are always there to hold me. That core, deep feeling of wanting God in my life 24/7, especially as we lead up to the birth of Jesus, is something that I need to come to realization in my life. Here is to praying more, to needing Christ more, to bringing our relationship closer to Him and NEEDING Him within how we are and what we do.

 

Seek Him. Today and everyday.

On this advent night,
hear our prayer , O God.
Forgive us for our failings and
strengthen us to serve you
in the days to come.
Amen.

Through a child's eyes...

Educating the "Heart" of Youths in the Virtue of Chastity
While this article is directed toward parents and how to teach toddlers - teens about chastity, I found the perspective rather refreshing. Sometimes looking at things simply (i.e. through a child's eyes) provides so much clarity to a topic that can seem so vast and complicated.

 It's interesting to think back to how all of our experiences, lessons learned and signals received from so many people and media shapes our views of our bodies and those of others and the way we do or do not use them.  In turn, this basic "knowledge of the heart" that is conveyed to us and instilled in us (for better or for worse) throughout our lives ultimately affects our sexuality and how we view chastity and sex. One of my favorite lines from the article is that  "The  chaste person not only “knows” notionally or conceptually what he or she ought to do or not do, but feels that way too." This is so true because it implies a deeper experience of the theology of one's own body...something more vast and essential than we ever thought possible.  We are taught in our culture to obey the rules and then we either obey them for the sake of doing so or break them because we feel somehow repressed by them, but in either case we rarely actually fully understand them. Pope John Paul II is revolutionary in his explanation of how our human bodily and sexual experience is so intimately tied to Christ and our spiritual souls. WHen you understand a truth you want nothing more than to follow it. It has nothing to do with following a set of rules and it has everything to do with wanting to be in the presence of and experience the purest forms of happiness and holiness we can attain and then share that joy with others. In relationships, if we truly care about the other person then we want those very same things for them. Ti care for their souls by wanting to honor and explore the truths that rely in the beauty of the theology of our bodies. 

   It's hardly possible to sum up the nature of these truths without going on for another 5,000 words but I will say that in light of the aforementioned article I hope that by God's grace I can instill this beauty in the minds and hearts of my kids someday. 

high school sports and faith

You may be wondering why there's a video of a high school cheering section on the blog. This, at first glance, has NOTHING to do with seemingly anything except some ridiculously cool cheers. Seriously, watch the video. I found this today while I was searching youtube for some videos of my high school who just won a huge football game today against our rivals (2 point conversion in overtime to take the dub)...it's JUST like how my high school was and still is during sporting events, except just all white or purple. But all very loud, obnoxious, in your face, creative...and just good old-fashioned fun. I love high school sports, and I can't wait to go back and see some games of my alma mater.

After watching the video, it made me think about my time at Gonzaga and eventually in ACE. I realized how lucky I was to be in a Catholic Jesuit high school and how much I absolutely loved it...and how much I took for granted being surrounded by people who shared the same faith as myself. I had planted in my education's experience a whole faith-based group, which I had again in ACE. My time in college was extremely difficult and taxing on my faith life; there was almost no community out on campus, and the one that did exist was not highly publicized nor was it really understood by others. I felt so lonely in my belief in God, and there was no one to talk to or who would offer support about what I was going through until my senior year.

Now that I'm going back home, I have friends who are Catholic that go regularly to church and are people who I can share this faith with. But this video just made me realize how important community really is, especially in how much influence it can have on strengthening and reviving Jesus in us. All the guys in that video and at my high school are not just connected by sports or testosterone, but also a profound and deep understanding of who Jesus is. It's crucial we have a community that we can share this with...whether it be a bible study group we find, or a great church community to be a part of...Jesus is out there waiting to be found in others, but we really need to be active in looking for Him. My friends are great, but I may need to be active and find other outlets to plug myself into within my church community.

Beyond just Virginia though, this is obviously key in our relationship. Like I've said before, I'm so glad I can share with my woman my faith, whether it be in prayer or through this very blog. But we always have to keep it up, to make sure we stay consistent with it and grow. I also cannot wait to be able to start sharing our faith within a community, one that can support us, one that we can celebrate with...one that can cheer us on! And while we may not go into any type of gorilla imitations or Rocky spoofs (or if we do even), building that community within our own relationship more and in others is something so important to becoming better for each other through Christ.

Make Room for Gratitude

I really enjoyed reading this article about using a method from praying St. Ignatius' examen to mentally walk back through your day and have gratitude for all of the gifts you receive. This stuck me right now in particular because we are at the point of "so close yet so far away" in terms of being in the same physical place (read: ZIP CODE!) to progress forward in out relationship. I easily get stuck on the negative of counting how many months, weeks, long distance phone calls remain in this whole ordeal. The fact of the matter is that these trials likely pale in comparison to many more we will face in life. I should strive more to let gratitude surface for all of the little graces. Gratitude in this way must become our habit. Life never "gets easier" so it is important that we always remember that God is at-work and that it is refreshing to our souls to make room each day for gratitude, particularly for things we never take time to think about.

"THERE you are!"

I spent the past weekend in a town called Zapallar, Chile through my teaching program in a retreat...a retreat to look back at our experience, look forward the future for the new incoming teachers, and to have a time to relax and reflect on our life in general. It was a weekend where I truly felt God speak to me and show me how His hands have been in so much over the past year, but in particular my relationship. To realize that the person who brings you the closest to the Lord is the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with is nothing short of incredible, and this weekend was nothing but confirmation of that thought through reflection and prayer.

In the retreat, there was one certain reflection that really struck me as amazing. The reading above from Matthew is one that I've read ever since a child, and it was one I've always thought was fairly clear: Jesus is present in all, and when you help someone else you are helping Him as well. I've always thought about this reading on a deeper level, where others may not be hungry just for food but for something else...and this reflection really made that "something else" shine through. 

Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said, "At the end of our lives we will not be judged by how many diplmoas we have received, how much money we have made or how many great things we have done. We will be judged by: I was hungry and you gave me food. I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless and you took me in. Hungry not only for bread - but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing - but naked of human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks - but homeless because of rejection. This is Christ in distressing disguise."

When I heard this quote, I was taken aback...have I really LOOKED for people who are hungry for love, or naked of human dignity, or homeless because of rejection in my life? Do I always look past what is so apparent on the surface into what a person really truly needs? Do I see Jesus in others, and do I always go out of our way to attend their every need?

I know as a teacher, I interact with kids all the time. And sometimes I may be in a bad mood, or there's just too many kids yelling, or there's just so much to do in the classroom and I'm in a hurry...but I feel like there's been lots of times where I might have "missed" something in a child. A chance to say a kind word, an opportunity to give positive feedback, a pat on the back...something that can brighten a child's day. But not only in the children, but in people like my roommates, my friends, even Tomilyn, who I always am trying to fulfill and upheld...we need to look past just what we see, despite how we might feel that day, INTO the person...to get in their proverbial face, really look inside, and see the real heart and soul and what it needs.

There's a beautiful scene that depicts this search in others. In the movie Hook, Peter Pan and Roofio confront each other on a beach. Roofio calls Peter Pan a fraud, that he should be the rightful leader, and demands that the Lost Boys come to his side. They all rush over to Roofio...except for the smallest Lost Boy, Pockets. Pockets slowly walks around Peter, seemingly searching for something...he gets Peter to get down on one knee, and he starts to touch his face. He runs his hands over Peter's eyes, squeezes his cheeks, and scrunches seemingly everything together. But as soon as Pockets pushes Peter's mouth into a smile, this look overcomes Pockets...one of warm recognition, one of joy in finding something that was thought long lost...and he slowly cries out, "Ohh....THERE you are, Peter!"


It's exactly this that we need to do in others. We need to inspect them, we need to search deep and look at the REAL them...and once we find them, we need to attend to their needs. Jesus is in all of us, just waiting for us to see Him shine through. Once we start to find Jesus in our friends, our roommates, classmates in Palmer West, students in St. George, each other in our relationship..once we find Him, not only can we help Him, but we can reflect Him in our interactions with everyone we encounter. What a beautiful thing, to be able to be Jesus's light to our loved ones!

Pray without ceasing...

I talked to Joanna this evening about a variety of things but she left me with one quote that stuck. It was mentioned by a priest at their local parish and he said the following:

    "To know a person you have to love them. 

To love them you have to know their soul. 

To know their soul you have to pray for them."

While this may sound simple it really spoke to me and rang true with my experiences. It seems that the people I remember to pray for I somehow feel like I know better in a special way. Like a "through God's eyes" kind of way...which is an awesome way. While we try to pray with each other every night, I don't always remember to pray for my dear man every night. When I do I find a childlike peace and understanding of him and his soul. God  brings us closer to those we pray for and it's utterly important to remember to pray for the person whose soul you intend to take responsibility for the rest of your remaining breaths. 

Speaking of which...

Two of Us

It's pretty interesting to think of sliding vs. deciding, and how often couples can tend to "fall into" a commitment because it's seemingly just the "next thing to do." It's so important to be growing, learning, and progressing together...much like we are doing so here in this blog...because the goal is to always become better for one another! How this learning and growing can be done in so many ways, and one definite way is learning from past mistakes (which has to do with the first post in slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com), which we shouldn't brush away carelessly or without second thought. What we have done in the past defines who we are now, and we must always center ourselves with God to become better in Him and to reflect Him in the future.

Speaking of centering ourselves towards God, I found an interesting website called twoofus.org. It isn't in any way religious-affiliated, but it does have some very interesting articles and links to different videos. One of these videos was something I found while looking at their youtube channel, called:

do religious people have better marriages?

They speak upon "shared meaning experiences," and how that shapes the "we" and "couple identity" in a relationship, and steers us away from a "me" mentality. These experiences can be sitting and watching an episode of The Sing-Off, going to church together, cooking...the key is that it's something we enjoy, look forward to doing, and talk about it afterward. It just makes me realize how lucky I am to be with someone who I know that I have a lot of "shared meaning experiences" with and look forward to having in the future! It also makes me very aware of how important it is to nurture, discuss, and care about it as two people, not as one...how the language of "we" is always better than the language of "me."