Getting the edge back...

 

Since the year I went through RCIA and got confirmed in the Church (almost at the 7 year mark...whoot woo!! Go Catholics! haha) Lent has never ceased to be an amazing time of transformation for me. In fact, I welcome these 40 days in anticipation of clearing out the cobwebs and getting back to God. I've always been fortunate enough to be surrounded by wonderful people and positive reinforcement during Lent, as well.

  This year, hoping for and preparing for the same experience of this important time in the liturgical year, I have been frustratingly disappointed. Granted, there is nowhere to place blame (although I am frequented downtrodden by the fact that life out here in "anything goes" California has made my faith life more challenging than usual) I just sit here 10 days before Easter feeling no different. All the while I see Francisco having spiritually-enriching discussion at book club, going to the Shrine every morning and living the plan of Lent. I long for that and realize I have done a piss-poor job of seeking God intensely these past 4.5 weeks. It's like I've lost my spiritual edge. I feel this sense of urgency that these 40 days have almost elapsed and once they do my yearly chance to "make things right" and dust myself off, humbling my being before the Lord, will be gone and I will be doomed to a year of funk-on-funk-on-funk. 

   Before you laugh, I realize how ridiculous this sounds. It is never too late to crawl back to God, prayerfully seeking humility and self-denial. Enter the Daniel fast. Because food is such a big part of who I am I decided that I would seek God through my plate. The Daniel fast is meant to do exactly that. A fast of sorts (think vegan/unprocessed/unsweetened) that is biblical in origin and not terribly inconvenient. 21 days of cleansing the body and cleansing the soul. Sure this takes me past Easter Sunday which means no Sunday morning cinnamon rolls but hey, sometimes life doesn't go as planned. Sometimes God wants you to seek him outside the boundaries of time and tradition. I feel like that's where I'm at right now. The drudgery of a secular culture out here, endless obligations that prey on my pride and ego, and a general lack of a spiritual partner in crime have me in need of something more this time...

...so until I find some time to get myself to a weekend retreat I will just have to make room for God in prayer in other ways. 

    After all, it's become entirely too easy in today's fast-paced world of convenience and instant gratification to neglect the matters of the soul and stay in touch with that part of our being that is capable of so much more. The part that God seeks to nourish and cultivate...if we can only step away from the iphone and cereal bowl long enough to listen.